Erase

I won’t beg in front of this worthless love
I won’t blankly, stupidly wait for you
Erase my mind – just disappear, disappear
I’m pretending to be calm and smiling but
I hate myself for not being able to do anything
I hate myself for not holding onto you

Your calm words make me angry, bored that there is no one to call
I feel like I’ve been taken advantage and the day passes on depressingly
For several nights, I can’t fall asleep
I will start anew, without you, I will be happy
When I enjoy my freedom – yeah I’m a free man
Let it go, let it go, just leave me alone
Let it flow, let it flow, flow far away

I rip up the memories in the pictures
I throw away the promises of being together forever
You were like a nightmare – so sick of it
I can’t breath and I can’t take it anymore
I want to turn back time and take a step back
I will erase everything of you

All the shed tears were a lie
Even if you ask where I’m going, you never know
Even if I want to hold onto you, I can’t turn things back
Instead, I’ll try erasing you – you don’t mean nothin to me

Over over over my babe girl, I told you told you told you
Don’t look back, don’t look back and just leave
If only we haven’t started in the first place
If only we didn’t make those countless promises
If only you weren’t there from the start
If only I met someone else instead of you
I know well that I can’t turn things back
I am regretting that I met you right now
What we had it was nothing, it’s value is dust,
I will erase you, who disappeared – you don’t mean nothing

*Janus*

Two sides of the same coin
head and tails
dark and light
on and off
singing or talking
quiet and tranquil or
deafening and volatile.
They come from the same place but
evolve so differently
that sometimes they're
indistinguishable.

WHY?

i see this picture
and all i can ask is
"why?"
you were so happy
so beautiful.
why did it have to fall apart?
i begin crying.
i shouldnt have to cry
when i see you
overjoyed.
so why am i burdened
with this?
why am i burdened
with choosing
and feeling torn
between two halves
of myself?
why do these things happen?
why cant people find
happiness
every time?
why couldnt you;
with each other?
why do i have to cry
and hide it?
why did it have
to make so much sense
but be so confusing?
when can i stop asking
why?

The Sun and The Shadows

that boy every day,
he laughs gayly with his
friends.
that girl,
every day
she sits in the corner all
alone.
that boy
every day,
he watches her from the corner of his
eye.
that girl
every day
she studies him in wonderment at his
sociality.
that boy
every day
he ponders what it is like to be
friendless.
that girl
every day
she ponders what it is like to be
visible.
that boy
every day
he becomes more intrigued by
her.
that girl
every day
she becomes more intrigued by
him.

that boy
today
he talked to her
finally.
that girl
today
she smiled in the
sun.
that boy
today
he felt a sensation stir in his
chest.
that girl
today
she felt a strange tug in her
heart.

that boy
two months later
fell in love with
her.
that girl
two months later
ran from home, afraid of her
feelings.

that boy
now
grieves after the girl who sat in the
shadows.
that girl
now
weeps about the boy who stood in the
sun.

this poem
never
meant to have a happy
ending.

The Sorrow in Love

i loved him
even before he loved me.
he told me he did
i told him 'me too.'
we talked
and we laughed
and we loved
with all our hearts.
but i was careless.
i hurt him;
the one i loved most.
i will never forget
the sorrow in his eyes.
no matter how painful it becomes,
i will never let him
be erased from me;
my first love

i told him i
still loved him.
he smiled and said
'i think i still love you too.'
we talked
and we laughed
and everything was
just like before.
but he had closed his heart
away from me,
forever.
so i gave up on
consoling his broken heart.
i walked away with a hearty
'goodbye' and
'im sorry i hurt you.'
things you break
can never be replaced
by you;
only healed by another.
i learned this
and i regret it,
but i thank him
for teaching me
how to love.
goodbye,
my first love

Will You Let Me Go?

I want to walk forward with my own two feet. After i leave you, i want to follow the path that i forge myself, relying on no other. My head held up in pride, my strides precise and long, i will glide slowly towards my future. I want these times with you to be held in my memories for when my road gets rocky but i don’t forever wish to lean on your shoulder.

I want the only sound of a person on my path to be my own footsteps, resonating in the brightness around me. I want the destination of my desire to be waiting; my destiny.

And then, sometime along my sole road, anothers footsteps will ring out, the quiet sign of another being. As they get louder, ill look about. Where is this sweet noise coming from? And ill notice a second path running alongside mine that i never knew existed. I marvel in the idea that im not alone on this journey.

But suddenly, the two paths meet and he appears. Ill look up at him, astonished. And he’ll look down at me similarly confused. Slowly, a smile will spread across his features and a new life for me will begin.

Afterwards, i wont have to walk alone. You will be able to relax, knowing im with someone who may love me just as much as you.

Can you find solace in the fact that i wont always be alone? Can you let me forge by myself now? I want to learn everything in my hearts desires so i can be happy just like you are now.

You knew this day would come, didn’t you? I wanted, all along for you to be prepared for me to leave. I wanted you to see me off with a smile. Will you do that for me? Will you be excited for me when i finally reach the end of my path, joining you? Please, let me go follow my dreams for now. Know that, one day, i will be able to come back. I love you, Daddy and i swear ill miss you.

Robert Foster @ robertfoster.com or etsy.com